


what you don't know you don't know

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Arranged Marriage, Autistic Jake English, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unresolved Sexual Tension, oh my god they were roommates, or at least an engagement not really publicly spread around, secret engagement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: Look, in Jake's defence, it's not like he really thought "are you perchance already chums with my roommate, also known as the gent I'm secretly in some sort of...entanglement, shall we say, with, even if I have absolutely no blinking clue what sort of entanglement that might be (or what I might want that to be) without me being any the wiser?" was a question he needed to include on the roommate posting he'd spread about, so why on Earth would he think that he'd need to delve any further into the matter when collecting references and interviewing potential housemates? It's nothisfault.It's probably Dirk's. Dirk should know better.
Relationships: Jane Crocker/Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker/Jake English, Jane Crocker/Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15
Collections: Homestuck Polyswap 2020 - Derse





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [petasos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petasos/gifts).



> "There’s never enough content for this ship. Y’know Jake has two hands, right? He can date Dirk AND date Jane, and everyone’s happy, things are great, the world does not end because one or the other is pissy that Jake likes the other. And y’know what, Jake’s capable of loving two people, and Jane and Dirk can be pale (if you want - tbh if you WANT to go full-on flush with this I'm fine as long as Dirk being Schrodinger's Gay is referenced), and things are swell.
> 
> Basically, what I’m asking for is Jake dating both Jane and Dirk - it’s a V-relationship, Jane and Dirk aren’t dating each other (unless you want to go the pale route!), and things are GREAT. There’s no threat of Ult!Dirk, no shitty epilogue relationship mess. Maybe post-game the three of them sit down to talk about the mess that was the game, and it leads to them all having feelings for each other, sort of.
> 
> Or, hey, maybe it's something fun. They're all roommates. Dirk and Jane are in an Arranged Marriage but Jake likes 'em both. Maybe Dirk and Jake are exes and now Jake's dating Jane and, there's still something there? Or maybe it's Dirk and Jane wooing Jake, or vice versa. I couldn't care less what you do, just have fun with it.
> 
> Bonus points for autistic and aromantic Jake. Yes, aromantic people can be in relationships and feel love that’s not romantic."
> 
> So what if they're roommates and Dirk and Jane are also in an Arranged Marriage (or Arranged Betrothal) but didn't really feel the need to disclose that?

You've learned the art of specific and largely useless kind of fortune-telling simply through making a study of your roommate's face. Jake English would probably never make it in the world of professional poker; is, in all likelihood, the worst liar you know; and worst of all, seems to think he's _good_ at the art of deception, a skill that eludes his grasp in much the way that permanent and effective subtlety eludes yours.

Basically: He's an open fucking book, and the fact that he thinks he can get anything he wants by you is frankly insulting.

It might _possibly_ be a little true, but that has no relation to how good he is at subterfuge and every relation to things you're not quite ready to think about just yet. Denial is such a nice, sunny place, this time of year.

All that to say, when he walks into the apartment that the two of you share, looking like he thinks he's pulled off an _Oceans_ tier heist, you clock that shit immediately and sit upright on the couch, a move sudden enough to make Jake jump like the guilty little street urchin he is. "The fuck did you do, English."

You don't bother putting it in the interrogative. At this point, asking is a formality.

"I, uh," he starts, eyes darting wildly between the door and his room, like he thinks he'll be able to make it. "I have absolutely no clue as to what you're talking about, my good man!"

"English."

His eyes squeeze shut, and what comes out of his mouth sounds something like, "Winniearooate!!"

You honestly did not think your tone could get any more flat. "What."

"We need a roommate!" His green eyes are wide and panicked, and he's gesturing. "I think it would help! I mean, not that this isn't great, but—"

"You want a more balancing personality in here?" This is a guess, but you're sure it's a good one. Neither of you has had trouble making your share of the rent in a while, and he's nodding along eagerly, so you must've gotten it right. And, well, the idea of someone else in here...okay, it has some merit. He might actually have a point. Also, having a roommate could help distract you from the overwhelming amounts of lust you feel towards one Jake English and FUCK you started thinking about it. "Sure. Okay. You handle it. Bye." Not your most graceful exit, but sometimes you just need to stuff yourself into a small space full of not-rain falling water and internally debate the options of "jack off" and "cry".

You're a functioning adult. No, seriously.

* * *

Later on, you will regret several things:

1\. Your hasty exit from the room.

2\. Your failure to secure a promise of consultation.

3\. The fact that you _left this to Jake at all_.

4\. Actually it's not so much that you left this to Jake as it is that you left it to him sans supervision.

5\. The idea of roommates in-fucking-general.

* * *

The roommate thing doesn't come up again for about a month, and you let yourself start to think that maybe you'd imagined it. Between your referral-based spellwork commissions and the self-defence classes Jake teaches, neither of you really has to worry about job security (and you could theoretically always borrow some money from your brother, even if you'd rather punch yourself in the face than think about it), so you dismiss the whole idea as a brief flight of fancy on Jake's part, a dead hope on your end (you were looking forward to having a constant third wheel that could keep you from going off on internal monologues about the plenitude of Jake's ass), and something else to resign to the corner of your mind where you keep failed plans.

Unbeknownst to you, Jake had taken "You handle it" as free rein to actually handle it, and had been interviewing candidates ever since.

And then he brought home Jane.

* * *

A few things to note about Jane Crocker:

1\. She's witty, brilliant, stylish, sweet, etc., just pile on the fucking complimentary adjectives here.

2\. She can be a massive bitch when she wants to be, is more stubborn than an entire herd of mules, and absolutely has to get her way.

3\. Undeniably gorgeous. Literally. There are articles about it.

4\. She's technically your fiancée.

* * *

Jake English knows about items one through three on the list, of that, you're pretty sure. You are, however, _equally certain_ that he has no clue about item four, given that it's one of the best kept secrets of the world you live in and the social circles you once moved in and oh god it's been a long time since you've seen Jane and she looks like she's going to kick your ass. _You_ are going to kick your ass for allowing this, and then you're going to resurrect your own ass so you can kick Jake's.

You're not even going to let yourself think the words "at least things aren't going to get worse" because they inevitably, absolutely, are.

"Dirk," Jake says, practically vibrating with excitement. Oh no. This is going to be like kicking a fucking puppy. A golden retriever puppy, even. The ones that look like ambulatory stuffed animals with widdle snoots. "I'd like you to—"

"Hi, Jane," you say, cutting him off before his resemblance to an ambulatory stuffed animal with a widdle snoot can increase any further. "How long's it been?"

" _Far_ too long, dear," she tells you, her eyes gleaming as she swoops in to kiss your cheek. That bitch. "You're terrible at returning a call!"

"What," Jake says. His resemblance to—look, he still looks like a puppy, okay? But now he's more in the "confused and befuddled" territory, which, you're sorry to report, is not any less cute. "Uh—"

"We know each other," you tell him. Might as well put him out of his misery as soon as possible, see if you can maybe spare him some future pain. The answer to that unspoken question is _not fucking likely_ , but you wouldn't be you if you didn't try. "Quite well, in fact."

"Uh," he says, and you're about to laud him on the eloquence of his thought when Jane goes and lets the cat out of the bag.

"Technically, we're engaged."

And of course, all coherent conversation from Jake just straight up ceases, after that. Like, you _get_ it, surprise fiancées and unexpected betrothals can sometimes do that to a guy (even if it's not _his_ surprise fiancée or unexpected betrothal) but you think it's pretty rude of him to ditch you with the larger burden of social interaction just because it turns out you're engaged to be married.

After all, it's not like _you're_ the one that needs to get to know Jane for compatibility.


	2. Chapter 2

Your new roommate, old friend, and current fiancée moves in with all the ruthless efficiency that you'd expected she would. Jake had bluescreened a bit, then came up with a number of awkward questions that had not, unfortunately, done anything to decrease the UST you felt literally every single time he walked into a room.

(The way you felt when he smiled was a whole different issue, and not one you were ready to talk about just yet. Denial! What a comfortable zone.)

Jane, meanwhile, handles Jake just as well as you'd expected she would. You're still not over the fact that it's Kind Of Hot in a way that's giving you some serious concerns re: your competency kink that you won't admit to having, ever. 

"So, uh..." He starts, pausing in unpacking one of Jane's boxes of baking items.

She pauses as well, immediately turning her attention to him, and you shove your face back into the crate of grimoires she'd set you on to hide the happy little glow your soul gets whenever she does something like that. God, the glow ups you've all done. "I'm not going to be upset with you for _asking_ a question, Jake. If the question itself upsets me, I'll tell you. Easy as pie!"

"Is pie actually easy—gosh diddly damn it, no I mean—" _Fuck_ have his swears gotten funny. "—how long have you two been engaged, and perchance, is there a particular reason that you never mentioned it? Dirk?"

"It's simultaneously open knowledge and a closely guarded secret," you say, raising an eyebrow at one of the books Jane's got on her. You'll have to ask if you can borrow it, but also, you wouldn't be surprised if she'd brought _Specifications of Mechanical Magics_ just for you. "So my older brother, head of House Strider, and Jane's...aunt, I guess? Whoever she is, she's fuckin nuts, but she's head of Jane's House, and they're in direct competition, so—"

"So this is meant to prevent implosion, fighting, magical war, and also, once you've gotten the secret of a good crust down and mastered a couple of fillings, hoo hoo! The world is your oyster." Pause. "Pastry of choice."

Jake blinks a couple times, and you tilt your head at Jane to keep unpacking for a sec, let him mull all of that over in his mind. You're not always great about guessing when he needs a beat and when you can keep on going (though you've gotten better as a result of your study of his face), but he's always been damn good about trying to work within your limitations. You want to be better at knowing his.

Anyway, you're right—a half-minute later, he hums, pulling yet another pie tin out of the box. "I adore key lime pie, so I hope the filling for that isn't too persnickety. And I suppose that would make a good deal of sense! Magical warfare sounds like an absolutely abysmal time for everyone involved. Also, you haven't answered the last part of my question."

Shit, that's on you. "Uh—well." You glance at Jane and do a kind of half-shrug that she returns in kind. "I mean. Do you remember back when we first moved in together and had that massive jam sesh?"

"Of course!" Of course he does. "You said something about...you wouldn't self-describe as 'gay', because that wasn't quite you, but if it came down to it, you were sort of like the cat in the goddamn box."

"Yep," you drawl, and Jane snickers. She's heard just about every iteration of your rant before it was even fit for public consumption, and for a brief moment, it hits you hard—Jane knows _so_ much of you, and Jake knows all the rest, and now they're both locked into your orbit. Fuck. The mortifying ordeal has barely just begun. "Uh. Anyway. It's...weird, and complicated? And the whole arranged marriage thing, it doesn't always go over so well, especially because we talked it out and planned to keep it open for a while, if not forever?"

"Dirk's cute," Jane says, and your face does _not_ burn crimson and anyone who says otherwise is a lawyer, "but I was dating this girl at the time and hot damn you should have seen that ass!"

"Dirk has a nice ass too," Jake says loyally.

Not that loyally, though, because he laughs at you with Jane when you sprint off towards your bedroom, her box of grimoires (and the one you'd wanted to borrow) still in hand. You'll finish unpacking later, when the treasonous fuckers have left the living room. Assholes. The both of them. Truly, you're suffering through hells unimaginable all on your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put down 5 but that's optimistic
> 
> i kind of want to tell this story in little bite-sized parts? mods please don't be mad i had the idea after i submitted the OG fill


End file.
